The Perfect Girl: A Note on My Personal Awesomeness

Until recently, I was convinced that there was no way I could ever teach teenage girls. Little bitty kiddies? Fine. Teenage boys? Sure. But something about the cattiness of teenage girls never ceased to irk me, and I resolved within myself to avoid spending lots of time with them unless I was authorized to punch them in the chest.

You think I’m playing?

Anyway, a somewhat recent experience seemed to confirm a suspicion that has been growing in me for almost a year now.

I believe I have discovered the secret to why so many women have such a hard time getting along with each other!

*Drum roll please*

We don’t know how to disarm each other.

Don't Fall in Love With Preachers or Musicians Unless...

...you're his second love. After God that is. One of the difficult things about falling in love with preachers and musicians is the fact that it is easy to find yourself competing with music and ministry for his time and attention. The long nights away from home are hard enough, but if his love for God is not first in his life, I can almost guarantee you that your place in his life will be #3, not #2.

Foot Fetish

It was early September, and still warm enough to wear sandals. I was strolling through the suburban general store, also known as Wal-Mart, looking for shampoo or something.

When he showed up.

He didn't just walk up to me, he did one of those stalker moves. He slowly peeked his head around the corner to the aisle where I was, and started cheesing really hard.

I tried to pretend I didn't see him, but that didn't last long. I glanced at him and looked back at the bottle of Suave I was holding. He must have taken that for a green light, because suddenly the rest of his body appeared in the aisle to join his head.

HIM: "Uh, hi."

ME: "Hi." I began scrutinizing the ingredients of the bottle. Water, Aloe extract, stearamidopropyl PG-dimonium chloride phosphate...what the devil do they put in this stuff??

I chanced a quick look up to see if old boy had gotten the hint.

He hadn't. 

I noticed though, that he wasn't staring into my eyes and trying to look seductive or irresistable.

Nope...he was actually staring at my feet.

HIM: "My name is Ty." 

ME: "Hi, Ty." Sodium lauryl sulfate, methylisothiazolinone...

HIM: "I just couldn't help coming over here, because you're pretty."

ME: "Oh, thank you."

HIM: "I also see you just got your feet done. Looks nice, REAL nice."

Hold up.

Uh.........did he just lick his lips when he said that??

I'll spare you the rest of the conversation, but I promise you old boy spent the rest of that little chat talking to my FEET. He told them about his budding military career, and how he was looking to settle down in the area and could he hit me up?

Sorry Ty... my feet are spoken for.

For real though. Can somebody explain to me what was up with that?

 

♥Tiarra♥

Sex and Paper Plates

If you ask me, cohabitation and premarital sex is just like washing paper plates and foil.


No seriously. I had an aunt who used to do that. Mind you, she had plenty of other quirky habits, but that one took the cake. You know how when you have large family gatherings, you buy those five foot stacks of paper plates and plastic red cups? Why? Because nobody feels like washing all those daggone dishes after Pookie and them go home and leave you to clean up their mess. The pots and pans are bad enough!


I digress. What does this have to do with cohabitation, let alone sex? Let me show you this little snippet from Wikipedia. (Lord, what would we do without Google?)

“Today, cohabitation is a common pattern among people in the Western world. People may live together for a number of reasons. These may include wanting to test compatibility or to establish financial security before getting married…

Other reasons include living as a way for polygamists or polyamorists to avoid breaking the law, or as a way to avoid the higher income taxes paid by some two-income married couples (in the United States), negative effects on pension payments (among older people), or philosophical opposition to the institution of marriage (that is, seeing little difference between the commitment to live together and the commitment to marriage). Some individuals also may choose to cohabit because they see their relationships as being private and personal matters, and not to be controlled by political, religious or patriarchal institutions.

Some couples prefer cohabitation because it does not legally commit them for an extended period, and because it is easier to establish and dissolve without the legal costs often associated with a divorce.” 

Click here to see the entire article.

"But Tiarra, that doesn't sound that bad." Hogwash, I say!

It makes marriage sound like an inconvenience. Which it is, of course.  But that’s my point! Go with me here.

Cohabitation/Premarital Sex=Paper plates

Marriage= Glass plates

Why do we buy paper plates? Purely because of convenience. They’re cheap, efficient, and disposable. You can use them almost as much as you want to, and throw them away when you want. My crazy aunt would wash those paper plates over and over again, sheerly (made up that word, YES) because she knew she could throw them away as soon as she got ready. She could enjoy the benefits of a real plate, with an easy out.

Are you getting this?

Marriage is an inconvenience. Like glass plates, it’s a costly affair. It requires a ton of work and must be taken seriously and handled with care. You cannot simply throw it away when you get tired of it. You feel some kind of way when it is damaged, and it’s not easy to replace.

BUT.

Which is more valuable? Which is a better investment in the long term? Which is of a higher quality? Which do you feel proud showing off to your granny?

Glass plates and marriage, people…glass plates and marriage.

~Tiarra

P.S. And that “try it before you buy it” line is TOO tired. A person is not a car! Make the full commitment or leave the whole thing alone. Bananas and tomfoolery.

P.P.S. If a man tells you he’s fully committed to you and doesn’t want anybody but you and doesn’t believe in the “institution” of marriage? There’s a good chance he won’t believe in the “institution” of paying his taxes. Or keeping his thing away from other women. Or washing his socks. Or supporting his kids. I’m just saying.



When Not To Holler at a Woman

I was driving on Route 1 on my way to a friend's house when I noticed it. A rusty red pick up truck that was driving at the exact same speed in the lane next to me. I tried my best to ignore, even when the driver kept poking his head out of the window trying to get my attention. My ignoring tactic would have worked, if it had not been for that daggone stoplight. We pulled up at the light simultaneously, and I could no longer ignore the man hanging half his upper torso out of the driver's window waving like a maniac. I turned my head slowly toward him and smiled, praying for the light to change quickly. The man returned my smile and tucked himself back into his car, still waving. The light turned green and I hit the gas as hard as my car would allow, when the idea for this post popped into my head.

There are certain times you should just NOT try to holler at a woman.

Here are my top five, and my reasons why:

(**Disclaimer** Don't get uptight on me. I'm hoping you'll actually laugh and nod your head.)

KidCare 101

I have this thing for kids. No, not a Michael Jackson (rest his soul) thing. Let's call it a special gift for teaching and working with kids. I have never met a child who didn't like me. I may scare them to death at first, but kids always warm up to me. The older I get, I realize that there's a part of me that never grew up. When I was a kid, I would probably have sold my soul for some candy, and there was nothing you could do to persuade me to stay inside the house if the weather was nice outside. And oh my, if the ice cream man showed up on my street?? It was over.


Despite my arrival at adulthood a few years ago, the kid in me didn't go away. More like, it scooted over and made room for eyeliner, men, and bills. I think children sense this in me. 



It blows my mind the way some adults constantly underestimate and undervalue children. I won't get too far onto that soapbox right now, because that's not why I started this post. 


I want to help my fellow grownups get back in touch with their inner child. I want to see more adults bringing out the best in the kids they encounter. And so I give you...KidCare101.

"I Will Wait For You."

I found this amazing Spoken Word video through one of my all-time besties. Her blog puts mine to shame, check her out at WhileMyHeelsAreHigh!


This poem is some powerful, powerful stuff. Enjoy!

I'm Just Not His Type

Have you ever wondered what you will be saying or doing or wearing the day you meet someone who will change your life forever? How do you even recognize such a person?

See, there’s this guy in her writing class that turned her head at first. Football player build, easy manner, very intelligent. The moment he opened his mouth to speak though, she immediately placed him in the “not-my-type” box. Why, you ask?

Because she saw herself through his eyes.

What I Won't Give Up For Love

I took a sociology class my last year in high school. Academically it was an easy A, but content-wise, we covered some tough subjects. I remember when Mr. Teacher tried to make us define love. That was a disaster...I still remember some of the answers-

"Love is what makes you all sparkly inside!”

“Love is, ummm, like, special and good.”

“Love means that you want to be with that person for rest of your life, even they are poor and ugly and mean to you.”

He then asked us if we would be willing to drop everything and everybody in our lives to follow someone we loved. Several of the girls said yes, and a few like me, were vigorously shaking their head no. (My answer has since changed several times...)

This post isn't going the direction I planned, but let's see if I can make my point.

I think everyone has one thing they would not be willing to sacrifice for Love.

Don't get me wrong, ya'll. Love is wonderful. It's delicious and exciting and moving and powerful.

BUT.

I think everyone has one thing they would not be willing to sacrifice for Love.

Go with me here. Before I reveal my one thing, I'll lay down a few givens:

-We will assume from here that I am referring to the love of a man. (Woman, for my male readers.)

-We will assume that my relationship with God is unquestioned. Meaning, we will automatically assume that I would never give up my relationship with God for a man.

-We will assume that I am sharing this out of a desire to be open and honest, and NOT to bash anybody, anything, anywhere. Seriously, it's all love =)

And now....my one thing...

Some Men Walk



Photo from StreetEtiquette.com



Some men walk as though they don’t know where they’re going. Each foot seems to want to go in completely opposite directions, while the body lags and slouches behind, willing to be led wherever it is pulled.

Some men walk deliberately. Their body throws its weight forward on the feet. Neither left nor right foot has a say in the matter; they go where the body commands. And do trust, body knows exactly where it is going…hopefully my way?

A Poem About Men and Their Pants

 

I like to watch the way a man’s dress pant moves around his ankle and shoes when he walks. It floats and swims lightly and easily around the solidness of his shoe. It goes where he goes, embracing the ankle, and then releasing it just as quickly…but it never strays too far. It seems to know that ankle and shoe aren’t going anywhere; it will always be there to anchor it, and pull it back into another embrace.

It reminds me of the relationship between a man and his woman for some reason. But who is the pant? And who is the shoe?

~♥Tiarra♥

NOTE: For more pics, please visit Street Etiquette! A urban fashion blog for men.

The (Spiral) Notebook

Good afternoon readers,

I found an old notebook of mine last night. It's a notebook I usually always keep with me in case I'm struck with a brilliant idea...so, there're alot of empty pages in it. LOL!

 

Anyway,often when I'm on the train or the bus a silly or serious thought will strike me, and I'll grab my pen and write whatever comes to mind. Sometimes it's cheesy, sometimes it's personal,sometimes it's cool.

But I want to share it with YOU. In a series of installments.

Enjoy =)

~♥Tiarra♥

In Case I Forget: His Name Begins With an “X”

I’m sitting at work right now, and something seemingly insignificant just happened that got me thinking. A man just walked into my office and sat down. I barely noticed him because all he did was declare who he was here to see, and that he would be more than content to wait in the lobby (where my desk is) for his person to come down. No thank you, he would not like a coffee while he waited, but thanks so very much for asking. My coworker and I nodded, and returned to our computers.

I don’t remember how we ended up engaging in conversation, but we did. At some point, he began to twirl a cane around in his hand...

I Want Her to Have a Happy Ending



"And they lived happily ever after..."



My friend and I have this boyfriend connection. Meaning, the most recent guys in our lives could practically be personality twins. Our relationships with these men run so parallel, it’s scary. When I see her (which is not often) we always spend at least an hour updating each other on our current status with these guys, and we are freshly amazed at the similarities. I always tell her that I’m only one chapter ahead of her in the same book. It’s nice to have someone you can relate to in that arena. Someone who won’t judge your relationship or the guy you choose.

As I mentioned in my last entry, my relationship ended. I've now begun the “Re-discover Yourself and Reclaim Your Goals and Passions in Life” chapter. If I may say so myself, it's getting good! I'm discovering a million new things about me, and I'm really, really loving it. The last chapter was rough ya'll. It involved a lot of hurt, forgiveness, and acceptance. A toughie, but defnitely worth it.

As I said, my friend has pretty much always been a chapter behind me. But lately she’s been telling me how her relationship has been taking a turn for the better, instead of crashing and burning. I sat quietly and listened for quite a while as she recounted all the positive things that had been going on between her and her man. And this thought immediately sprang to mind as she neared the end of her story-

To All the Girls Whose Prince Has Reverted Back Into a Frog

I admit, I have conflicting feelings about this post. But I feel duty-bound to spill my guts and keep it real with you folks.

Recently, I was in a relationship that ended rather…abruptly? Badly? Awkwardly? Whatever you want to call it, it ended, and it wasn’t pretty. Remember that song by Vivian Green, “Emotional Rollercoaster”? I just thought it was a cool song when it came out. But after experiencing the boatload of emotions that come with the beginning and ending of a relationship, I appreciate it for the message she was conveying to women (and men) everywhere who have experienced that...

Save a Thug Foundation

So, I was talking a fellow 20-something Sunday night, and inevitably the subject of men came up. Actually, we were discussing the fact that some woman at church was trying to set me up with a mystery relation. AGAIN.

I promise you, being a pastor’s daughter is a trip sometimes, especially in the romance department. It seems like every mother, missionary, and pastor’s wife wants to marry you off to their sons. Or worse, to their sister’s-cousin’s-best friend’s-uncle’s-baby mama’s-son.  Seriously? Thanks, but no thanks.

See, I understand that every mother wants the best for her son. She wants her wonderful baby boy to marry a woman who is beautiful, confident, intelligent, and able to hold her own. A woman who will make lots and lots of grandbabies for her to spoil. A woman who will be like a daughter to her, who will (try) to make her son as gloriously happy as she herself has made him all his life.

BUT- (tap your neighbor and say “BUT!”) In my experience, these mothers are not looking for an actual wife for their beloved son. They are looking for a substitute mother. Which I am not. Also, these sons/distant male relations usually possess one or more qualities that prevent them from finding a mate without the help of their mothers: