I admit, I have conflicting feelings about this post. But I feel duty-bound to spill my guts and keep it real with you folks.
Recently, I was in a relationship that ended rather…abruptly? Badly? Awkwardly? Whatever you want to call it, it ended, and it wasn’t pretty. Remember that song by Vivian Green, “Emotional Rollercoaster”? I just thought it was a cool song when it came out. But after experiencing the boatload of emotions that come with the beginning and ending of a relationship, I appreciate it for the message she was conveying to women (and men) everywhere who have experienced that...
My fellow princesses, I think the hardest part about ending a relationship is fighting off bitterness.
Seriously, I’ve been thinking about how when you fall in love someone, you create a space for them in your heart. And when they leave, the spot they had remains empty until you fill it up with something else. Our ego often tells us to fill it up with another person, i.e. the “rebound”. But that’s so selfish! Or sometime we stick a hobby in that old spot (mine was natural hair.).
While your heart is out shopping for a replacement, Bitterness is lurking around, waiting to jump in the moment you let your guard down. Bitterness is convenient, like a 7-11. Always open, always available. Even though he causes long term hurt, Bitterness gives you a short-term rush. When you bash that person in your heart, you immediately get a sense of self-righteousness. “That no good bleepity-bleep just didn’t know what he had! Who does he think he is, anyway? Mmmmhm. No-good men.”
Unforunately, smashing your former prince into a froggy pulp does absolutely NOTHING to help you or him. Beating him down doesn’t build you up, and it won’t make him turn back into a prince! Trust me, I tried it!
The ONLY solution, is to forgive. Forgive your ex for being human, for making mistakes, for hurting you. Forgive yourself for being human, for falling for someone who did not meet your expectations, and for hurting.
Sometimes, the guy isn’t a low-down-no-good-dirty-dog-jerk. Sometimes, he’s just a guy who messed up a good thing. Sometimes, he really was a low-down-no-good-dirty-dog-jerk. But that doesn’t mean every guy is. Sometimes…YOU had a part in the demise of the relationship. (Ouch.)
I’m not sure how to end this one, but I wonder if you’ve ever closed your eyes and puckered up to kiss a frog, hoping he’ll turn into a prince…only to find, he still croaks? Did you run? Or did you stay?
Love,
~♥Tiarra ♥
smh... I can definitely understand... mine was a case of "im saved but he's not and lets get out before this gets to be too much for both of us" I totally feel you on the space making bit... for the longest I just had this huge gaping hole... even now, it's still a little crack sometimes I wonder if it'll ever go away... I just had to get to a place where I accepted my feelings and the fact that being with him is just not something God wants for me right now... We never know what the future will hold.. we only have today, and there is no place for bitterness!! I ADORE this post Delia! Keep it up, we'll write a book! lol
ReplyDeletenice post and it makes so much sense. I am asking myself many of the same questions. Maybe some of the blame was on me, but in the end i realized no matter how hard i tried there was no way for me to turn that frog into a prince!!! A hard lesson to learn!!
ReplyDeleteSo true Delia. It is not until you pour your heart out to this person they decide to throw dung in your face. But it is very important not to force a relationship by ignoring the red flags.My mom always tells me, 'tree does not grow on my face' therefore the right person will come along in due time and will adore the beauty both outward and inward. All it takes is PATIENCE!!!!
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