Save a Thug Foundation

So, I was talking a fellow 20-something Sunday night, and inevitably the subject of men came up. Actually, we were discussing the fact that some woman at church was trying to set me up with a mystery relation. AGAIN.

I promise you, being a pastor’s daughter is a trip sometimes, especially in the romance department. It seems like every mother, missionary, and pastor’s wife wants to marry you off to their sons. Or worse, to their sister’s-cousin’s-best friend’s-uncle’s-baby mama’s-son.  Seriously? Thanks, but no thanks.

See, I understand that every mother wants the best for her son. She wants her wonderful baby boy to marry a woman who is beautiful, confident, intelligent, and able to hold her own. A woman who will make lots and lots of grandbabies for her to spoil. A woman who will be like a daughter to her, who will (try) to make her son as gloriously happy as she herself has made him all his life.

BUT- (tap your neighbor and say “BUT!”) In my experience, these mothers are not looking for an actual wife for their beloved son. They are looking for a substitute mother. Which I am not. Also, these sons/distant male relations usually possess one or more qualities that prevent them from finding a mate without the help of their mothers:

1.)    Mama’s Boy:  I pretty much covered this one already. But I refuse to heavily involve myself with a man who overly attached to his mother. “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife…” Yeah...I’m not sharing the cleavage. (That didn’t come out right, but you know what I mean!)

2.)    The Scrub: You remember that TLC song from ’98?? That was the JAM in 5^th grade. As if we 10 year olds knew anything about men hanging on the passenger side of his best friend’s ride. Not!

Anyway, I refuse to be in a relationship with a man who has no motivation or ambition to better himself and/or his situation. I understand that every guy out there is not going to have a six-figure job and five degrees under his belt. I understand that a lot of guys my age haven’t quite figured out what they want to do with their lives yet; they want go out and have fun, hang around with the boys, etc. That’s fine. It would be silly of me to have such unrealistic expectations.  But Mom? Please don’t try to set me up with your 28+ year old son who still acts like a kid and hope that I can turn him into a mature, providing, God-fearing man. Because I cannot.

♪Oohhh yessir, I’m talking to you♫

3.)    The Super Churchy Churched-Out Church Man: I warned you I was going to keep it real, didn’t I? Now you know.

I absolutely refuse to date or marry a man who is obsessed with church.

(*GASP! Nervous looks around the room)

Oh, you didn’t hear me? I’ll say it again-

I absolutely refuse to date or marry a man who is obsessed with church.

Allow me to explain. I have been in the church all of my life. I’ve been a pastor’s child for the past 12 years. I ♥ my church. There’s no place like it in the world! There is no where I would rather be on a Sunday, Tuesday, or Thursday . Or anytime we have a church event. I get a charge every time. It’s like being with family and eating a good meal. A buzz, if you will.

But many people do not realize that church has a culture of its own. Think about it. It has got its own traditions, customs, even vernacular. When I go from church to work or home, I take my beliefs with me, but not the rest. To me, it’s common sense. Like making a difference between the way you act at work versus at home. Your personality does not change, but you adjust yourself for the appropriate environment.

Some men I meet my age who have grown up in church do not make that distinction. And that bugs me to death.

I think of all the above categories, the third one bothers me the most. Men like that seem to have nearly everything else going for them. But I admit, being overly churchy is a deal-breaker for me. I feel like I can’t relate to them. And so, while speaking to my peer on Sunday night, I said to her,  “Girl, I need God to save a thug!” And we cracked UP laughing.

But honestly? I would so rather marry a man who came off the streets and got crazy for Jesus, than a man who grew up in church, and is just plain crazy.

What about you?

~Tiarra



"Man....you just a baby boy."