When Not To Holler at a Woman

I was driving on Route 1 on my way to a friend's house when I noticed it. A rusty red pick up truck that was driving at the exact same speed in the lane next to me. I tried my best to ignore, even when the driver kept poking his head out of the window trying to get my attention. My ignoring tactic would have worked, if it had not been for that daggone stoplight. We pulled up at the light simultaneously, and I could no longer ignore the man hanging half his upper torso out of the driver's window waving like a maniac. I turned my head slowly toward him and smiled, praying for the light to change quickly. The man returned my smile and tucked himself back into his car, still waving. The light turned green and I hit the gas as hard as my car would allow, when the idea for this post popped into my head.

There are certain times you should just NOT try to holler at a woman.

Here are my top five, and my reasons why:

(**Disclaimer** Don't get uptight on me. I'm hoping you'll actually laugh and nod your head.)


1.) When she's eating.

• It's just awkward, man. Women like to feel cute and feminine when you hit on them, and trying to holler when they're doing something as primal as eating is a sure way to catch her off guard. I know I don't look cute when I eat, and I think women who try to look cute while chewing end up looking stupid. Taking tiny nibbles off a Chipotle burrito? I don't think so. Wait until I'm done, please!

2.) When she's with a bunch of her girlfriends.

• You've seen enough chick flicks to know why this is a no-no. When there's a lot of estrogen in the air, stay away, fellas. She may not be one of those women who has a bunch of ugly, male-hating girlfriends, but if she's surrounded by a bunch of women, I wouldn't suggest hitting on her. Compliment her, sure. Smile and wave, sure. But walking up to her while she's with a bunch of her friends, possibly nursing a fresh break-up? Ehh....nah.

3.) At a church service.

• A personal favorite of mine. Let me put it like this: when I hang out with a bunch of my girlfriends, I don't really feel like talking to guys. I want to focus on my friends. Same thing at church. I go there to spend time with God. Please don't tap the cute girl in the choir stand and try to holler in the middle of service...really. Musicians, just because you can't believe a chick is actually killing it on the keys, doesn't mean you need to poke her with your drumstick and try to get her number. Just because the pretty usher greets you with a smile when you walk in, doesn't mean she's into you. She's just doing her job, bro. If you're interested, catch her after service. I'm just saying.

4.) At a stoplight.

• There's just something so awkward about trying to holler at traffic lights. You can't get away if you're going in the same direction. And what if she is interested? She's not going to pull over or follow you to wherever you're going. You could be Jack the Ripper. If it's meant to be, pray God will let you see her some other time. For real.

5.) When she's batantly dressed in a way that says "Do Not Approach".

• This one follows the same concept as eating. Women are not constantly waiting to be hit on by men. Guys, when the game is on, how much time are you spending thinking about women? Probably not much. Women are the same way. When she's grocery shopping, or on her way home from a brutally sweaty workout, she's probably not looking to be hit on.
  
  NOW. I do understand that a lot of men find women to be at their most appealing when they're dressed down. She looks more approachable, right? But if she's wearing busted sweats and her hair is a mess...it may not be the best time to hit on her. Use your better judgement. Let me tell you a little story to make my point.
  I had a friend who came squealing to me about her new guy.
  
  HER: "Girl, he must really like me because I was looking a HOT mess. My face was sweaty and tore up, I had stuff on my mouth cause I just woke up, and I was wearing a doobie. He MUST like me."
  
  ME: (Blank stare) "But.......uh.......well, first of all I'm mad you had stuff on your mouth. That's not even cute. Secondly, what kind of man would hit on a woman in that state? You honestly think he saw past the crust on your mouth and the du rag into your inner beauty? I smell an ulterior motive, Jay."
  So of course she was angry at me and told me to stop hating. And when the guy ended up being a complete boob...yeah.
  
  If the woman is dressed in a way that says she is not ready to be approached, it may not be the time to holler.

That's all I have to say about that! Do you have more to add? I want to hear it!

Love and Peace,

♥Tiarra♥